The Fleas

the fleas have come to strip our bones. we are dying in the gutter and no one can remember if there were ever any stars.  we want to drive like the boys do. we want to work like a man. we are guilty for not calling our mothers. our fathers are up in the mountains alone. we have been very bad girls. all the men are starving and we are sure it’s for our souls.

take us from here. give us an open road and a reason. our hearts are wrecking balls and we will eat everything whole. we want to smoke all the cigarettes and burn the forests to the ground. we want to make a bloody mess. we want to be left alone. we are suffocated by your need and can’t bear how you leave us. if we take off our masks will you look us in our faces? we are hot and falling apart. our skin is crinkling like pages in the flames.

we are doomed. we want our money back. you can’t have our souls because we don’t know what they are to give. we gave everything and never enough and we don’t know what to ask for in return. we have had enough. we want no more of your anything.  you can take us as we are or nothing at all.

let us drive as far as the eye can see. let us drive as the crow flies, let us die as the crow dies and land on your doorstep to remind you what love is. we have no idea what love is. we are a picture of a shadow of a shell of a girl. we are underwept and underslept and black of eyes and lung. take down the beams and let the whole thing fall down. we keep drawing horses, red and white and brown and black. have they brought the fleas? we do not want to be alone. take us from this place.

take yourself she says from way up there. she’s been hiding and we didn’t know she was a girl. we didn’t know anything but the sound of our arms breaking over his. we have oceans in our throats and they are swelling. we are hurricanes of loss. remember what is real she says. the fleas. the wood. the air on our skin.

here we can be our own mothers. here we can be papa too. we need time to work like the boys. it is so hot and we are so untethering and drifting from the shore. do you want to know the truth of why we have drifted from the shore? do not ask unless you want to know. we have drifted from the shore because we are scared and you scare us and most of all we scare ourselves because we know that when the masks come off for good there will be never again be nothing left.

it is time to go into the world and bravely she says. it is time to wash the salt off our faces and breathe of other things. we are not alone. we are not trapped in the wood with the fleas. we can leave. we can wash ourselves in oceans. it is time to go. you can take us as we are. you can take us as we are or nothing at all.